I met a girl the other day who told me what she was

I didn't even ask her, but she told me just because

She had to set the record straight and so she said straight out

"I'm straight. I am. I swear I am. I'm straight without a doubt."

I told her that was fine with me. I said "That's fine, I guess

"You're just as straight as you can be,

although you wear a dress.

A rose by any other name, they say, is still a rose

Your toes and nose are what they are

as everybody knows..

She smiled and took a hefty swig of Miller Draft Ice Light

And said "I think I know exactly what I am, at least tonight.

I'm a transsexual, trangendered transvestite who likes leather

be sure you get the name right and always call me Heather

I'm a lesbian cross-dresser with a taste for S and M.

Sometimes I'm the aggressor, but sometimes I'm very fem.

Sometimes I'm really not too sure exactly what I am

But have no doubt, when I go out, I just don't give a damn.

For I do not wish to be mistook for something that I'm not.

I'm bi when I am with a guy, but otherwise I'm not.

I'm gay when I am in the mood and hetero on Friday

And when I say I'm sometimes crude, at least I do it my way,

which may not be the same today as what it was last week

but se la vie, I know I'm me, and not some kind of freak."

So now I know what Heather is; at least, I have a clue,

And the next time that I see her

I will wave and say
"Hey...you!